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About Me Member Wise Ass JaiGuruDeVatFemale/Italy Recent Activity Deviant for 1 Year
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it seems i'm only coherent when i can't sleep

Mon Oct 26, 2009, 8:59 PM
found this looking back through the stuff i save on my e-mail drafts.
not very long ago.
i thought it was interesting.

---

july 18, early early night-morning

i feel funny. almost like i'm nervous.
like my soul is on vibrate and someone keeps calling.
i must be in love.
it's too bad i don't have anybody to be in love with.
it can't be possible.

my emotional black hole keeps sucking all sorts of stuff from my extremities and i think it made a few holes,
'cause i feel cold fast air rushing through my sternum. i'm gonna cry, i'm so lonely.
my logical support system says it's sex so i look up romance stories.
stupid every freakin' one is about sex and dirty people and beaches and filth.
i want something quiet, a deaf, blaring beauty.
a city romance, wild, thirsty, lost cold teenagers caught up in the crescending rush of life and music and drunkenness.
but always with time to say shhh, and think about how pretty one another's eyes are.
i can't believe some people have sex without kissing.
that the bitches prepare for that kind of thing.
schedule in their evening fuck right between the drugstore visit and a sober ride home.
sex isn't what i need.
i just need not to be alone.
is there not anyone else in the world who has been alone and lonely?
and didn't write shit songs about it?
i really can't take this solitude anymore. i need some emotional support. i need to touch.
i need my soul to break and my heart to glow and race and to sneeze in the sacred face of an unpredictable provider. who will take me by surprise and scare me like a good long fall on the swing. thrills of fear and sneeze sneeze sneeze hormones.
very very candid face. i never want to get bored.
and so scared and playful.
not alone, but in groups and threes and school masses.
always awkward and subtle. ambiguity marking hidden embarassment coupled with the thrill of action.
touches lasting just short enough and recorded and tracked and supervised by your steady conscious
while you laugh and are nonchalant and a lying, deceiving, cool, cool mess to the onlooking.
and at night when your head meets the pillow the cork pops out all over again and your mind is stuck on replay, replay, replay....
and you forget the face every time it's away, remembering only that you panicked at the sight of it, a panic of joy and precipice, and wanting to feel that again. craving to see this source of explosive breathstoppingness that your deluded mind is convinced it's a virgin to while your eyes know better.

  • Mood: Hungry

deviantID

i was dancing.
i'm not a little kid.
i'm in love with everyone.
leave me alone unless i like you.

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: underground.
  • Print preference: on your face.
  • Interests: nothing.
  • Favourite movie: The Outisiders, Repo Man, Donnie Darko, lots of stuff...
  • Favourite band or musician: Beatles, and a whole lot of other stuff that's too much to list
  • Favourite genre of music: oldies, '90s, exceptionally non-pop-y country songs, and secretly some rap.
  • Favourite artist: mostly people on here
  • Favourite poet or writer: S. E. Hinton, Joseph Heller, Fitzgerald (for almost no reason). Chuck Palahniuk even though I hate
  • Favourite photographer: him.
  • Operating System: heart (main), brain (secondary)
  • MP3 player of choice: anything that plays my stuff. i don't even need an iPod.
  • Shell of choice: snail shells
  • Wallpaper of choice: peeling and old (and poisonous!)
  • Skin of choice: mine
  • Favourite game: conversation
  • Favourite gaming platform: PS2. i'm classic
  • Favourite cartoon character: it's a tie between Shaggy from Scooby Doo, and the pointy-haird boss dude from Dilbert
  • Personal Quote: America sneezed
  • Tools of the Trade: my bare hands and a rusty old penknife - prepare to be medically altered!

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Comments


:iconjaigurudevat:
what else could i have done? it was fantastic. :)

--
there is no pain you are receding
a distant ship\'s smoke on the horizon
you\'re coming in now just in waves
your lips move but i can\'t hear what you\'re saying...

i have become comfortably numb.>
:iconrainbowsxxhawt:
Thanks for the favee!

--
"Still the charm around my neck, 'cause I haven't learned to tie a noose quite yet."
:iconjaigurudevat:
i don't remember what i did but you're probably welcome.

--
there is no pain you are receding
a distant ship\'s smoke on the horizon
you\'re coming in now just in waves
your lips move but i can\'t hear what you\'re saying...

i have become comfortably numb.>
:iconkjcharmedfreak:
You are adorable!

--
MM#572528
Youtube:[link]
:iconjaigurudevat:
...thank you. :|




:)

--
there is no pain you are receding
a distant ship\'s smoke on the horizon
you\'re coming in now just in waves
your lips move but i can\'t hear what you\'re saying...

i have become comfortably numb.>
:iconzoey-says-hello:
ooh, found a cool poet. check out ~deeplesleep.

--
no thanks, i've already got a penguin.
:iconjaigurudevat:
hmm, comfy and intricate.
*gets some tea*

--
there is no pain you are receding
a distant ship\'s smoke on the horizon
you\'re coming in now just in waves
your lips move but i can\'t hear what you\'re saying...

i have become comfortably numb.>
:iconajax1946:
Thanks for the fave!
:iconjaigurudevat:
my pleasure.

--
there is no pain you are receding
a distant ship\'s smoke on the horizon
you\'re coming in now just in waves
your lips move but i can\'t hear what you\'re saying...

i have become comfortably numb.>

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